I 'd like to say,

I've never forgotten a word that matters

but often forget the things that matter the least

and then later realize it was the latter I needed.

Alive

I'm still alive...kind of refusing to think...I think I'm shutting down.

Other blog.

my other blog(my first) is called roseslifeandtheuncoordinated.blogspot.com thats why my profile says roses=birth flower etc. its explaining why its named that

thoughts.

I don't like to write on this...it's kind of become...boring. I have nothing to say that's why I haven't writ(old english) anything lately. Did you know Anastasia was actually murdered by the germans along with her family? I found that interesting since in the disney movie all is swell and she has her own little fantasy, figures. Disney is absurd, everythings perfect. Hey kids welcome to the real world, nothing's perfect. Poor Anastasia. She couldn't help being born into the imperial family but I guess they didn't care did they? Just another victory and it will be forever. I'm not saying I'm a pacifist. I'm just trying to say...that if you only think of it as a victory....we'll all kill eachother before we DO find the cure to cancer or whatever. Although in some cases it's probably better off to kill a person. Hitler could've standed to be dead earlier. Which brings me to anne frank. The only reason she's famous is because she's one of the only jewish girls to write a diary that survived the whole war. Soon who knows what will be next...we'll be fighting over abortion or something! Some people are already fighting about abortion. Insanity rules every one's minds at some point and reason just seems to be thrown out. Imagine that.(I'm sure it won't be hard to imagine)
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/04/04/pregnant.slaying/index.html - that's just wrong.

In english we're reading a book called unwound or maybe its unwind...hold on lemme check.
Okay it's... Unwind - Neal Shusterman. It's very good and makes a point...that no one else in my class realizes....but I encourage you to read it.

This brings me to talk about when you get a soul. When do you get a soul? I cannot bring myself to say that I know when you get a soul, that I some how know much more than another. I cannot claim to be more knowledgable than a person in which I do not know, so obviously I won't. Even though I have seen others try. Neither can I tell you your definition of being smart but that is besides the point. I don't believe you can live without a soul for without a soul are you not hollow? Must you be born with a soul or do you gain one afterwards in some other way? I don't know, I won't claim to know, I won't claim to believe. Often I hear the saying, "my heart is broken" but I wonder if it's really your heart they have broken or have they only put a slit in your soul. Your heart serves its own purpose of survival, can it really hold your vast feelings of love also? The odium I feel for my soul is misguided although it is true.

the many definitions of a soul

"1.the principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.
2.the spiritual part of humans regarded in its moral aspect, or as believed to survive death and be subject to happiness or misery in a life to come: arguing the immortality of the soul.
3.the spiritual part of humans regarded in its moral aspect, or as believed to survive death and be subject to happiness or misery in a life to come: arguing the immortality of the soul.
4.the emotional part of human nature; the seat of the feelings or sentiments
5.a human being; person"

A human being...so doesn't that mean that once you are born you have a soul? Or is it given before birth. Is a fetus alive or dead? I do not know, I do not choose to know. For I choose to be strung out and unnoticed like a leaf floating from a tree. -sighs- I guess...my opinion doesn't matter but an author came to our school today and said "No one really knows you but yourself".


Today I doubt if even I know myself.


Though my troubles are undefined.
The wings on a butterfly still flutter.
As I walk by them-
They understand nothing of my simple words.
Yet the wings still flutter around me.

Very soon you shall see-
There is no doubt in the truth
but rather a caring love.
The caring love we're taught every day.


Soon you shall see
the butterflies freedom does not belong to me
flutter with every passion
but not understood.
I wish to be free as a butterfly may be.

You wake up in morning
Go to bed as afternoon becomes nigh'
Please chill my aching body
I'll listen to them cry and die.
Please don't listen to my own whine.

The noise oh so frightening.
The firing loud and abrupt like lightning.
The cries of the dying-
Send me home my soul still thriving.
The pleasures of war never began, ceased.

sorry I couldn't help but write..

Ideas

My thoughts continue striking new ideas. I'm not secure. I'm not....much.

So we start over again

Today we started our new quarter.The days stretch on as I walk through the halls,fast,as they tell me. Funny though that seems like a normal pace for me. I was happy to be back at school although it seems like I'd hate it. Sometimes it's kind of like my home, schoolsick, I get schoolsick. The routine just goes missing from my day and there I am. So again I'll start again and maybe this quarter I'll do good, just maybe. I used to be really good but it's just kind of gone downhill. Right down a crashing slope and sometimes it curves back up...sometimes it doesn't.

Here I am.

Here I am again, our school has the day off. My names Allyn Smisson. I'm a freshman and trust me highschool is living hell. I'm still breathing, I can feel it but nothing's right. My friends I was talking about earlier, they're pale, never eat, and are either ugly or as beautiful as can be. They don't have an inbetween. They're like zombies except they aren't. Every one at my school has a tan besides me and... those "friends". We barely know eachother. At least I have some one. I don't get why we even have the cliques. All they do is abuse the other cliques. Even the nerds try to throw terrible comments at the others, of course it never gets much farther than saying they're a test tube that exploded with some random chemicals in it.... So I think we get that I'm miserable. I'm like a chick freak out but I'm a guy and its not just a moment of freaking out its the whole life. I think my favorite bands Paramore or Bullet for my valentine. Oh, I have to go my mothers yelling at me. Oh and my dad's an addict in rehab. My brother got shot. And my town's never safe.